Life: A Bumpy Road

So many ups and downs lately it is ridiculous. I am excited beyond measure about my missions trip and I can't believe some of the other miracles that are happening in my life, but at the same time I am having more days that I am depressed for no reason. Both yesterday and today I cried spontaneously. Something tiny would set me off and I would lose it. I don't know what's going on with my emotions, but I certainly don't like it. Bottling things up all the time is catching up to me big time.

I need a good cry--one of those "get alone with a box of Kleenex, shut off your phone, and watch The Notebook" kind of cries. A girl just needs that sometimes. It keeps us sane (we have a lot of feelings).

What I have been struggling with the most at school is feeling unusable and worthless. I am not interning anywhere in the church and it makes me feel like wasted space. Although I am caught up and even ahead in some of my schoolwork, I get reprimanded for slacking off. I am frustrated and tired and I feel like I am banging my head against the wall sometimes. My voice isn't heard and even when it is heard it is dismissed.

It's hard. I feel like I am learning and growing so much personally and all that I see from it is, well, nothing. I can't share my joys with anyone because they are dealing with their own struggles. I can't share my struggles because everyone has their own issues to deal with. I can't help but listen to them all because my heart breaks for what my friends' hearts break for, but it would be nice to have someone to listen to anything that I have to say once in a while. I am over-burdened with issues that are not my own and I have no outlet.

Thank goodness that God is always good. I promised myself years ago that I would never forget that. When I am having great days, God is great. When I am having the crappiest days ever, God is still great. I always have a reason to worship and I always have a reason to be grateful. I can also find promise in the fact that as emotions come and go, I am still rooted in the joy provided by a king who runs the universe. Sadness can't compete with joy like that for very long.