Happiness Sometimes, Joy Forever

Life in the past month has been, to put it simply, chaos. I have gone through so many ups and downs, so many stresses, and so many victories. I have had past hurts come to light, I finished a semester at a new school, I got a promotion, I quit that job, and on and on. All the while I have been growing. I think that might be the most important thing that I am taking away from this semester--the idea that no matter where I am or how much I feel like I am stuck in a certain situation, I can learn something. I can become better.


I am rising out of a funk that I have been trapped in for the past several weeks and it feels good to finally be shaking those ashes off. For some reason there has been a heaviness on me that has kept me very on-edge. I have been frustrated at the little things. I have treated people poorly as a defense mechanism.


I feel terrible for letting myself get there, but I am working on being better. I have to catch myself and hold my tongue. I have to speak life into people instead of only caring about what I am going through. I am finding myself sucking the poison out of a lot of wounds I have created in myself and in others recently and it is very freeing. I know in my heart that I love people, so I need to start acting like it.


I need to stop holding grudges. Sometimes something as small as a passive-aggressive tweet is enough to set me off. I am striving to forgive and forget. I am working hard at making sure my focus is on matters of eternity. I am developing a thick skin not only to keep bad things out, but to keep good things in.


I promised myself a long time ago that I would never lose my spark. I will never lose the thing that keeps me joyful even when I am upset. I know better than most what it means to have the joy of the Lord. I know it means that it's okay to cry and have bad days, it's okay to be upset, and it's okay to feel like my world is collapsing. My joy comes from the fact that my King turns it around. My joy comes from the fact that as my world is collapsing in all around me, my God is seeing me through.


I don't have to be happy for my God to be present. My joy comes from the promise of security I find in Him, the notion that He is here working, leading, and guiding me. Everything really is going to be okay. It feels good to be reminded that I am not alone.