Fantasy Flight

For those of you who have been stalking my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram: thank you for entertaining me all night with your increasingly-frustrated and confused comments on all of my pictures from my adventure to the North Pole. But now I feel as if I have some explaining to do.

I really DID go to the North Pole, you guys. Along with 82 terminally ill, disabled, homeless, or under-privileged children and dozens of other volunteers, I got on the "fastest jet in the whole world" and literally FLEW to the North Pole. Well, actually the United Airlines hangar just outside of DIA decorated as the North Pole. And it was on a Boeing 757.

The event is called Fantasy Flight and United Airlines, partnered with the Starlight Children's Foundation, has been hosting it every year since 1991. Children are invited to come on the adventure of their little lives to meet Santa and receive literally everything they want for Christmas. Let me tell you, there was not a dry eye in the building. You can't help but be affected when you see that much magic in one place.

My mom works for United so she got the tip that volunteers were needed for the event. We went to the hangar on Friday night and set up dozens of Christmas trees, lights, and games for the kids. After many hours of assembling all that Christmas cheer, my own anticipation for the next day was at an all-time high.

I arrived at the hangar yesterday at noon to check in and receive my boarding pass. Much to my delight, our gate number was SNOWFLAKES and our destination really did say NORTH POLE. The little kid in me squealed with excitement (I'm totally keeping that ticket forever).  Once all of the volunteers checked in, we boarded buses to take us to the terminal. We arrived and all of us, clad in gaudy Christmas sweaters and donning Santa hats, pranced to the media room for briefing of the event.

As we sat in anticipation we were given explanation for what to expect from the day. My eyes welled up as I heard about some of the children we would get to love and share some smiles with. Children with blood diseases, physical disabilities, mental disabilities, and cancer. Some others were coming from a women's shelter. My heart was breaking wide open. This event was most of these children's only Christmas this year, and as much as I hate to even think of it, maybe some of their last. As I sat there and listened to the special instructions for the children in wheelchairs, with stomach tubes, etc., I cried. I literally just started trickling a million tears. We were providing so much light in the lives of children who have experienced so much darkness. Immediately I knew this day was going to change all of us.

The volunteers were grouped up and given signs that had different Christmas symbols on them. Candy canes, Santa hats, snowmen, gingerbread cookies, presents, snowflakes, jingle bells, you name it. My group got the angel. "How appropriate," my mom said. I agreed. These signs would correspond to stickers the children would be given once they arrived at the airport so that everyone would have volunteers to help them through security. It reminded me of Vacation Bible School teams. Everyone has a symbol and a leader. This was definitely the most effective way to organize almost a hundred ecstatic children.

When we got word that the buses had arrived we all picked up and ran outside to greet them. As we formed a tunnel and sang Christmas carols, the children started walking into the terminal. Through tears and a smile I sang the most terrible rendition of "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" I have ever sang. It's hard to carol well when you're trying that hard to keep yourself together. These were the cutest kids I had ever laid eyes on and the wonder in their eyes as they came in is something I will never EVER forget. They knew they were on their way to meet Santa himself. Today was the most special.

We escorted everyone back to the media room for the children to pick up their boarding passes. After being assigned a group of little angels, we were off to security. The ratio was perfect: about one volunteer per child. My little angel was a 4-year-old named Josie and she melted my heart all day long. A special security line was set aside for everyone going to the North Pole, so we all felt like we were getting celebrity treatment. After wrangling all six children through the metal detector we went down the escalators to board "Santa's Train" to get to our gate. Usually only one train to the concourses is running at DIA, but this time the second was blocked off for Santa's VIPs. Once again, star treatment.

Josie held onto my hand for dear life, and I certainly didn't mind. She kept asking questions about the North Pole because I told her I had been there before and I was friends with Santa. I would tell her that I eat cookies with him and Mrs. C all the time and she would put her head to the side and say, "Nah... wait. Are you being joking?! You really do that?!" Adorable. The train took us straight to the concourse at 30mph and we disembarked to find our gate. It was such a sight to see hundreds of people walking through the airport in Christmas attire. I loved all the looks we were getting.

We sat at the gate for almost an hour being entertained by Ronald McDonald himself. My very rational fear of clowns aside, it was a pretty cute show. He did a few magic tricks and the kids were certainly enjoying it all. When it was time to board the plane Josie ran to me and exclaimed, "WE'RE REALLY GOING!" Her outcries mirrored the ones in my heart. We were really going! Santa was waiting!

We got on the plane that had been decorated all over with garland and Christmas appliques, accompanied by flight attendants dressed as elves. Christmas carols echoed over the plane's PA system. I was just as consumed by the magic as the kids were. We sat down and got buckled in. Josie looked out the window and asked questions about the airplane's wings, my favorite toys, and Santa's workshop. When it was time for takeoff she screamed. As the plane ascended into the air, the Captain informed us that reindeer were leading the way. We needed to close all of our window shutters because the North Pole is a super-secret location and we didn't want anyone to see the lights from our plane (really it was because the plane was just going to circle in the air before landing a few miles away from DIA). Every child received a Happy Meal and we all sang more carols together. As the 40-minute flight came to a close the children were antsier than ever.

After landing on "Santa's Landing Strip 1" we pulled directly into the North Pole airplane hangar so we wouldn't get frostbite. Once inside we were instructed to open our windows for a surprise. Santa and several elves circled around the plane in a boom lift to wave and greet the children. There was an uproar. "THAT'S REALLY HIM!!! WE'RE HERE! WE MADE IT!"

We exited the plane and dropped all of the children off in a multipurpose room where a Boy Scout troop would read Twas the Night Before Christmas. This gave the rest of us time to finish setting up the activities the children would do while waiting to meet Santa and receive their gift bags. I was doing a face painting station and there was also a ring toss, cookie decorating, a Blue Bell ice cream bar, a bean bag toss, and balloon animals. I painted the faces of several eager adult volunteers while we waited for the story to finish. Nobody was exempt from the renewed childlike wonder that encompassed that building.

For several hours I painted smiling faces. I asked the children what they wanted for Christmas and if they were having fun. I asked for their names as they sat down so that as my brushes created Christmas shapes onto their little cheeks I could pray for them. Every child who sat in my chair warmed my heart as I prayed for healing, joy, provision, and protection over their own lives and families. It was absolutely the most fun I've had in a long time.

One at a time the kids were called in for the moment of the evening--a conversation with the big man himself. He talked to each child for a bit and then handed them a huge bag full of wrapped presents. Every child received at least ten presents. Good presents, too. Exactly what they asked for. Some even got new bikes! What really had me awestruck was the way none of the kids cared the most about what they got. They were more enthralled by the atmosphere of the North Pole and the jolly bearded man they had always wanted to meet. Everyone had an absolutely amazing time. Once the event ended children loaded up all their new toys and boarded back onto the limos and buses they arrived in. A gentle snowfall ended the most perfect evening.

It was a very long, very incredible day. Events like this restore my faith. Just because it isn't a religious event doesn't mean the Lord's work isn't being done. God was straight MOVING in that place. I hope to participate every single year until the day I die, keeping the Christmas spirit alive with hope, restoration, and joy. The true spirit of this season feeds my spirit and gives me life. I feel very blessed to have been a part.

Carry Your Own Cross

It's been so long since I've done this that I don't even know where to begin. My life in the past year has been RADICALLY rocked in the absolute best of ways. There are millions of things I could share about, and that is awesome. I have never been so busy and so pushed to grow and mature. I'm discovering what it really means to be a woman of God and it's the most terrifying/exciting adventure I have ever been on.

One thing I'm discovering is that God's favor is tricky. One moment he provides a check with the entirety of funding for my missions trip and the next I don't have enough pennies to scrape together to pay for my school tuition. I know that his ways are higher than my ways, and I definitely am learning what it really means to trust him with my everything. You can't trust God with all that you are if you are secretly doubting his supernatural ability to provide. This is something I have to remind myself of daily.

As I struggle with petty things like finances, God is certainly up to so much more in my life. One sign of this is a class I am currently peer-teaching on Passion for Jesus by Mike Bickle. It's blowing my mind. I walk into class nervous because I have never viewed myself as a public speaker, but my classmates and I walk out of that class ignited because of the new revelations we are all having. Growing up in church I knew a lot ABOUT God, but as I uncover more of his very character it is revolutionizing the ways I love him. It's because our God is undeniably, unapologetically passionate about us that we can be so passionate about him. And that I get to unravel further mysteries about my God amongst my best friends is the most incredible part.

Deciding to move home and go to Bible college was a drastic change from the path I was previously on. Everyone (myself included) was sure I would graduate from CSU with my Bachelor's in Biomedical Science and head off to medical school. I would have a great job, impressive resume, and financial security for the rest of my life. My parents and extended family would be impressed with my credentials. I was going to be successful and could have been a fantastic doctor--that just wasn't (and still isn't) for me. As much as school fascinated me, I was becoming distant from God and it was making me miserable. I spent hours alone in my room just crying because I felt like I was living somebody else's life. But the thought of leaving to pursue my own dreams was terrifying. I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I didn't want people to think that I was just quitting something. I begged God to show me a clear direction and push me through the right door.

What I realized during that time has dramatically changed the way I make decisions. You see, God is the ultimate gentleman. He supernaturally makes ways for things to happen and will open many doors for me throughout my life. But the thing is, he will NEVER force me into anything. God will not ever choose my college, my major, my spouse, or my career--I will. Out of his abounding goodness he has given me that right. My duty is to be so close to him that I can hear the still, small voice and act on what I hear. And at the end of the day, it is MY job to act. This revelation is what gave me the boldness to pick up and move. I hopped onto a supremely different path and started running, knowing that my God would bless me for my obedience to him. It doesn't matter what I'm doing as long as I am doing it for my King. He is simply delighting in my journey because he's a good dad.

God promises that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. I have heard that my whole life, but I didn't realize the full implications of this statement until very recently. At CSU I was carrying a yoke that was a terrible struggle and felt weighed down by burden daily. It's because I was carrying somebody else's yoke. I have no doubt that somebody just as qualified as me (if not more so) took my spot in the Biomedical Science program. They are going to be a fantastic doctor indeed. I am going to be an incredible, godly wife and mom. That yoke is easy, that burden is light--because it's the one I have been designed for from even before the very day I was being knit together in the womb.

I am done ascending the hill of the Most High carrying anyone else's cross but my own. I am done wasting time chasing a "calling" and I am solely focused on chasing him. I will figure out the fine details of the rest of my life when the time comes, but for now it's enough to know that God is alive, active, and interceding on my behalf. As I run after all that he is, God continually reaffirms his goodness. I just couldn't ask for more.

24 Years and Going Strong

Unconditional love means unquestioned support. It means that no matter what happens, outside circumstances cannot change how much you care about somebody. My parents are the best example on earth of what unconditional love is and I want to honor them today, their 24th wedding anniversary.

My mom and dad still act like they are dating. They make flirty jokes and give each other kisses right there in the middle of the kitchen in front of God and everyone. When I was younger I was supremely grossed out. I mean, those are my PARENTS. But over the years I have come to realize just how much I adore that they are still so in love with each other. Sadly, it is rare to have parents like that who stay together through think and thin and love each other more every day. Some day I hope to be married for decades and still give my husband kisses in the kitchen and make flirty jokes that make my children uncomfortable. That's true love right there.

The reason my parents are still so very much in love after all these years is definitely because they have made a point to honor God with their marriage. They pray together all the time and make sure that they leave everything in their lives at God's feet. They affirm each other and speak life. They have raised their children in such a way that glorifies God and I will never take that for granted. I love God as much as I do today because of the example they have set for me. I am honored to be their daughter.

I thank God every day for giving me parents who have taught me what it means to be a couple. Everything I know about what a good marriage looks like I have learned from them. I can't wait to have with someone someday what they have with each other now. "To have and to hold, until death do us part." They said it once and they still mean it. I will say it once and I will mean it.

Thank you for being so wonderful to me by being so wonderful to each other, Mom and Dad.

What People Don't Tell You at Graduation (That You Really Do Need to Hear)

1.  Failure is always an option.
We learn more about ourselves from failure than we do from success. I'm sure the experience of that test you bombed in high school sucked, don't get me wrong, but I bet you learned something. It's OKAY TO FAIL. Success rarely happens on the first try, and perseverance through failure is what will shape you into who you are meant to be. Nothing builds character quite like persevering under trial. How you handle failure says WAY more about you than the failure itself. Learn, grow, and move on. Everything is going to be okay, even when you fail.

2. WHAT you decide to be will never matter as much as WHO you decide to be.
I struggled with this one a lot as I graduated high school (and to be honest, I still struggle with it to this day). It seems like all people care about is what kind of degree you're getting so they can speculate on your future job security. They ask what you want to be when you grow up and they need to know a sure answer this time. But it's okay to not know. It's freeing to be able to answer with an "I have no idea". The job you have will never define who you are--it merely defines what you do. Who you are will never depend on salary or status. Who you are depends on your character. I'm at a place in my life where even though I have been working towards a degree, I have no idea what I will use those credentials for. All that I truly care about is shaping myself into a responsible adult whose heart is so very much lost in God's. I don't care what I am doing because my focus is who I am becoming.

3. These aren't the greatest years of your life.
Yes, you will look back on high school and remember the great times you had with the wonderful friends you made. High school forces us to define ourselves so that we can be ready to face the college years, and I will always be grateful for the people who mentored me during that time. But the focus on the college years can be very skewed. You might feel like this is your last chance to be young, so you better live it up. You might hear that college is the place to have the last hurrah of your fun, because there is no room for fun in the "real world". That couldn't be more false. It isn't like you have to go crazy in college for fear of never being allowed to have fun again. There is no rule against making every year of your life the new greatest year of your life. Nobody is going to force you to stop being happy when these college years are over--that is your choice. There is too much life ahead of you for you to be worrying about making these years count. Make every year count.

4. It is okay to change your mind.

You don't have to know right now what the rest of your life looks like. It's better if you don't. Picking a college, major, or job is not the end-all-be-all. It's okay to stop and make a decision to change those things. It's really okay to try new things until you find where you really belong, because too often we feel like once we have made a decision we have to stick to it. You don't have to settle for mediocrity in your heart because you are afraid that your parents will be disappointed you won't be a doctor, lawyer, or concert pianist. If it's not for you, it's not for you. Don't ever settle for something less when your heart aches for something better.

"I don't know what the future holds, but I do know who holds the future."

Independence Days

I have been spending a lot of time by myself lately. Usually I don't like to spend that much of my time alone--I am a very social person and thrive in settings with multitudes of people. But recently I have been doing things completely independently and I have never felt so good.

I have done things by myself that I previously thought were unimaginable. I went out to lunch alone, I went stag to a concert, and I even went to see a movie by myself. I am cherishing my seclusion more than I ever have before and I am becoming very okay with this independence. It really is freeing.

I don't feel pressured to be "the funny one" when I am alone. There is nobody to impress. I didn't realize how much other peoples' opinions of me mattered until I stopped hanging out with them. It's so nice to just be allowed to feel however I truly do and not have to worry about what others think. I can enjoy things I want to enjoy and not have to compromise my opinions for anybody.

Sure, there is give and take with any relationship and it is good to find happy mediums--but there is something genuinely wonderful about being in charge of yourself. I have been saying "no" to others instead of being walked all over. It feels good. I am in control of my own happiness again.

Through this I am learning how to be more like my true self when I do hang out with others. My "reputation" doesn't have a hold on me. It's time to make God's reputation the one that matters.

Happiness Sometimes, Joy Forever

Life in the past month has been, to put it simply, chaos. I have gone through so many ups and downs, so many stresses, and so many victories. I have had past hurts come to light, I finished a semester at a new school, I got a promotion, I quit that job, and on and on. All the while I have been growing. I think that might be the most important thing that I am taking away from this semester--the idea that no matter where I am or how much I feel like I am stuck in a certain situation, I can learn something. I can become better.


I am rising out of a funk that I have been trapped in for the past several weeks and it feels good to finally be shaking those ashes off. For some reason there has been a heaviness on me that has kept me very on-edge. I have been frustrated at the little things. I have treated people poorly as a defense mechanism.


I feel terrible for letting myself get there, but I am working on being better. I have to catch myself and hold my tongue. I have to speak life into people instead of only caring about what I am going through. I am finding myself sucking the poison out of a lot of wounds I have created in myself and in others recently and it is very freeing. I know in my heart that I love people, so I need to start acting like it.


I need to stop holding grudges. Sometimes something as small as a passive-aggressive tweet is enough to set me off. I am striving to forgive and forget. I am working hard at making sure my focus is on matters of eternity. I am developing a thick skin not only to keep bad things out, but to keep good things in.


I promised myself a long time ago that I would never lose my spark. I will never lose the thing that keeps me joyful even when I am upset. I know better than most what it means to have the joy of the Lord. I know it means that it's okay to cry and have bad days, it's okay to be upset, and it's okay to feel like my world is collapsing. My joy comes from the fact that my King turns it around. My joy comes from the fact that as my world is collapsing in all around me, my God is seeing me through.


I don't have to be happy for my God to be present. My joy comes from the promise of security I find in Him, the notion that He is here working, leading, and guiding me. Everything really is going to be okay. It feels good to be reminded that I am not alone.

Life: A Bumpy Road

So many ups and downs lately it is ridiculous. I am excited beyond measure about my missions trip and I can't believe some of the other miracles that are happening in my life, but at the same time I am having more days that I am depressed for no reason. Both yesterday and today I cried spontaneously. Something tiny would set me off and I would lose it. I don't know what's going on with my emotions, but I certainly don't like it. Bottling things up all the time is catching up to me big time.

I need a good cry--one of those "get alone with a box of Kleenex, shut off your phone, and watch The Notebook" kind of cries. A girl just needs that sometimes. It keeps us sane (we have a lot of feelings).

What I have been struggling with the most at school is feeling unusable and worthless. I am not interning anywhere in the church and it makes me feel like wasted space. Although I am caught up and even ahead in some of my schoolwork, I get reprimanded for slacking off. I am frustrated and tired and I feel like I am banging my head against the wall sometimes. My voice isn't heard and even when it is heard it is dismissed.

It's hard. I feel like I am learning and growing so much personally and all that I see from it is, well, nothing. I can't share my joys with anyone because they are dealing with their own struggles. I can't share my struggles because everyone has their own issues to deal with. I can't help but listen to them all because my heart breaks for what my friends' hearts break for, but it would be nice to have someone to listen to anything that I have to say once in a while. I am over-burdened with issues that are not my own and I have no outlet.

Thank goodness that God is always good. I promised myself years ago that I would never forget that. When I am having great days, God is great. When I am having the crappiest days ever, God is still great. I always have a reason to worship and I always have a reason to be grateful. I can also find promise in the fact that as emotions come and go, I am still rooted in the joy provided by a king who runs the universe. Sadness can't compete with joy like that for very long. 

Overwhelmed is an Understatement

I have been a mess this week. It's a good kind of mess this time, though. Weeks like this remind me that the ups and downs of life are more than worth it. On Monday I received word that the missions trip I am going on to Belize in June is PAID IN FULL. When I found out I literally fell to my knees in shock. I'm still walking around in awe.


I have known going into this trip that since I am broke as a joke, God would have to make a way for me financially. I have known in my heart that this was going to happen for me in Jesus' name. HOW it happened is what has wrecked me.


To give a little back story...
In June of  2008 I went on a missions trip to Thailand. The cost of the trip was almost three thousand dollars and as a sixteen-year-old girl I had no idea how I was going to pay the trip expenses. I sent out support letters to friends and family and I got one letter back that really affected me. It was from a couple family members. Not only did they say that they did not approve of my decision to go on the trip, they said that my parents were foolish for allowing their daughter to go out into a land filled with so much darkness. We were scolded for what God was doing in my life.


It broke me. I felt entirely discouraged in that moment. The effort I was making to ask for support was retorted with disgust and all I could do was pray through it with my parents and write a letter of response. I told my family members that although I respect and love them, I disagreed with what they had said. I knew that this was what I needed to do. My decision had been made. We left it at that and literally have not spoken about it for the past four years. I did receive the funding for Thailand and it was one of the best experiences of my life... but not gonna lie, that letter has weighed heavy on my heart all of these years..


Cut to February 27, 2012. I get called out of class by the financial director of the Belize missions trip. I thought that I was in trouble or something by the urgency in his voice when he said he needed to speak to me. I walked out into the hall and he handed me a check that was sent in that covers the ENTIRE fee of the trip--written out and sent in by those family members.


These are the same family members that told me all those years ago that God's will is not for me to go out on missions. The same people who told us that we were foolish for thinking it was a good idea to travel overseas for God's purposes four years ago just sent me a check and solely made it possible for me to do just that this summer.


To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement. It's not even about the financial stress that has been lifted from my shoulders (although that is pretty amazing). It is about the heart change that has obviously taken place in those family members. Nobody can change hearts like God can. He exists in glory and power forever.


I am so completely and irrevocably wrecked. It's like God is up there looking down saying, "Don't you know how great I am? Don't you believe me when I say that I will take care of you? Here's just a little taste of my devotion. There is NOTHING that is too hard for me." Who am I to ever doubt such a glorious God? This revelation is the greatest of all--that the very same all-powerful God that sets the earth into motion comes to me to give me this reminder that He is alive, He cares about the little things, and that He is MOVING.


Sometimes a little doubt creeps in and reminds me of all the things I have given up to be in Ministry school. A small voice reminds me that I could have been a doctor or a lawyer or anything else that will keep me respected and financially secure. That voice will never go away, but it has less authority over my life every single day. Sure, I don't know where I am going to be in a few years. I do not know whatsoever what I am going to be doing with my life. But I sure as heck know who I am going to be.


Living in faithfulness isn't easy, but my goodness is it rewarding. There is nothing--and I mean NOTHING--my God cannot do.

A Tiny Hiccup

I knew that transferring schools wasn't going to be all rainbows and butterflies. And it seems like everything came crashing down this week. I'm a mess.


Financial stress is tearing me to pieces. I have no idea how I am going to pay tuition for the rest of the semester much less raise the funds to go on the missions trip to Belize in June. The worst part is that my heart is at peace; it knows that my God is Jehovah Jireh who provides. But my head keeps saying how impossible this all is. That there is no way to pay for all the things in my life that need to be paid for, that coming here was a stupid decision financially, and that I'm alone in this.


I'm conflicted. Half of me is growing, learning, and reaping the benefits of the best decision I have ever made in my life while the other half is worrying, worrying, worrying. It's wearing me completely out. This week I had one of those days that just forced me to cry. Nothing necessarily happened to warrant a good cry, but it still came. It felt like the tears were drops of stress and worry escaping my body. Sometimes you just need that.


All I can do is focus on today and try to take everything one step at a time.

The Best Decision I Have Ever Made

On a daily basis people in my life are stunned to hear that I have transferred from Colorado State to a little Bible college no one has heard of. 99% of the time people are judgy and condescending (i.e. "I thought you were doing something great with your life"... "Weren't you going to be a doctor?"... "So what are you going to do with your life with a theology degree?", etc).


It used to make me really uncomfortable because I was insecure. I was unsure of myself because I didn't have answers prepared. I didn't realize how much transferring schools was going to put me on trial.


But somehow in the last week all of that worry and insecurity stemming from judgment has gone. I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now. If you don't understand it, that's okay with me. Not everyone can do everything and this although world needs some people to be great doctors... this world needs me to be something else. I'm coming to find out more and more that how other people view my decisions does not define who I am.


Studying Bible and Theology is the best decision I have ever made. I have zero regrets in coming to this school and I'm not changing my mind about it being my most freeing experience. I get to go to school with a great group of students after God's own heart while I learn about His promises and how I can live them out in everything that I do. I'm in control of my education while my creator is in control of my life. Not gonna lie, it feels pretty darn good.


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

My Heart Breaks for the Broken

In school this week we did a Spiritual Giftings Test and it rocked my world. I have taken this test before and heard about what my gifts might have been, but it has never meant so much to me as it did this time. It gave me encouragement and purpose and I finally feel like God is ready to use me according to His purpose.

My Spiritual Gifts:

• Counseling
• Creative Communication
• Mercy
• Giving

I had to say who I look up to and who I would want to be mentored by if given the chance. I want to hang out with Rob Morris and Kim Walker all the days of my life. They know what’s important, significant, and how to get God’s will up and moving. They have vision that God has placed in their lives and they are acting on it daily.

Actions speak louder than words and most churches are still sitting in silence.

That hurts my little heart.

We sit in stillness while God’s children, his masterpieces, are abused. If that isn’t injustice, I don’t know what is.

Part of the test asked us what we would do if nothing was holding us back (finances, time, and so on). I answered that I would abolish human trafficking and slavery. I thought that my first answer was going to be to get married and raise a family, because I truly have always wanted that and still do. But given a limitless opportunity, I would do something so much greater with myself.

It made me start to wonder…. Why don’t I live like nothing is holding me back? Why am I acting like great things can’t happen through me by the power of my God? Time to refocus on matters of eternity and start believing in faith that miracles are real. Love is coming as an empowering force that cannot be denied or reckoned with. Justice is on its way.

There is a bright future that I dream about filled with whole, mended hearts. I want to be an advocate for those who cannot be one for themselves. While the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy I will come to give, love, and restore in Jesus’ name.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

Eyes on the Future with Your Heart on the Present

Would you still serve faithfully if blessing never came?

This morning in chapel we talked about Joseph. That man was dragged through the mud for half of his life and still stood strong to say “My God is faithful.” He was sold into slavery by his own family, wrongly thrown in jail, and ended up being highly respected in Egypt—all because he never doubted who God was to him.

God has a plan that is greater than our own. Sometimes he gives us little glimpses of it that make us excited and anxious, and then we get disappointed when it doesn’t happen right away. Things don’t fall into place like we thought they would and we end up discouraged. Just because you get a taste of the greatness in your future doesn’t mean it will happen today, tomorrow, or even next week. But the essence of faith is this: we trust in God even when everything around us tells us that we shouldn’t.

Truly being a servant means giving all of yourself regardless of the season of your life or the position you have been placed in. Focus on loving well today. Focus on forgiving well today. Focus on serving well today. Tomorrow will have its own worries.

Ministry school for me isn’t about “what are you going to be at the end of all this?”. It’s about WHO I am going to be, and if that woman serves her Lord and Savior wholeheartedly, without falter. I want to be forged as a leader. I want to be plucked from the ashes and fashioned into a driving force, showcasing the endless power of God. 

I may be weak, but His spirit is strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God—He never will.

“I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me. He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends His love and His faithfulness.” (Psalms 57:2-3)

It's About to Go Down

It’s finally here. People, I have made it. Bible college is here and it is real and I am still in shock that this is even happening. God is good. THE MOST GOOD.

If you told me three months ago that I would be here in this classroom today I would have called you a liar. But me of little faith, no more.

Today we as a class start on a journey about what it means to truly be disciples.

Time to live different.

Time to love different.

All I want from this semester is to listen and to serve and learn more than I have ever learned from a conventional school. I want to fall in love with the keeper of my heart all over again. A new beginning. A new and glorious story.

“I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.” (Psalm 119:32)