LOPES UP

Full disclosure: Bawled throughout writing all of this. In the best of ways.

In the past 4 years I have been all over the place--mentally, physically, spiritually, and definitely academically. But today is a monumental day for me and I can't stop rejoicing.

It is decided! It's official! I'm going to Grand Canyon University in the fall!

I want to shout it from the mountain tops. I want to get up in everyone's face and tell them how excited I am. Getting accepted into a university is certainly something worth celebrating, but this feels like so much more than that today. This is a new start for me. A chance to go to college because I'm passionate about my education, not just because it was the 'right thing to do' after high school.

I visited this school almost exactly a year ago and had a definite gut feeling. "I belong here," I thought. I know it was the Lord prompting me, too. "No thanks, God," I thought as I reminded Him that there was NO WAY I was gonna move. It was so far from home! I've lived in Colorado my whole life! I love the people here! What if I can't find a church I love in Arizona? What if it's hard to stay in touch with people back home? What if my husband is somewhere here in Colorado and I'm leaving without a chance of that happening now??

I'm so tired of making decisions based on what ifs, you guys. I'm especially tired of NOT making decisions based on what ifs. It's time to actually trust that God is good, he loves me AND he likes me, and he's gonna be glorified no matter what. My life really is his. I have to move forward in faith and know that even if it feels too new and uncomfortable and difficult at times, everything really is going to be okay. I can no longer put my life on hold because of what ifs. Waiting on the Lord is an action, not an excuse to sit around.

We say we believe God can do ANYTHING and yet we still live stagnant lives where we wait around for blessings and struggles to find us instead of suiting up and facing battles head-on. We put on the armor of God just to sit quietly in a fortress. We forget that we have been set apart in victory already and destined to be more than conquerors long ago.

I would rather have a life that I can truly enjoy than one that's comfortable. I'd rather be put in situations that continually force me to resort to trusting God than ones where he's merely a spectator to the madness of my life. Today I'm celebrating the victory of relinquishing control over what I thought my life should look like. Don't I know after all this time that God's plans are wayyy better than mine? Hasn't he even proved it to me time and time again?

My way of thinking is shifting. I'm done worrying about all the things that are uncertain. I mean, let's face it. I'm over worrying, period. Worry is misplaced trust. And I want no part of that anymore. If I'm worrying about something it means I'm trusting in anything other than God, who's totally got this under control by the way, and I'm super done wasting my time on that nonsense. I'm unapologetically moving forward in the things that make me come alive and it's the most freeing feeling I have had in quite some time. I'm finding out more and more about the character of God as I realize the parts of me that were created to reflect Him.

Today, through tears of joy and freedom and hope, I raise an Ebenezer stone. Thus far, the Lord has helped me. And he's not even close to being done yet.