Overwhelmed is an Understatement

I have been a mess this week. It's a good kind of mess this time, though. Weeks like this remind me that the ups and downs of life are more than worth it. On Monday I received word that the missions trip I am going on to Belize in June is PAID IN FULL. When I found out I literally fell to my knees in shock. I'm still walking around in awe.


I have known going into this trip that since I am broke as a joke, God would have to make a way for me financially. I have known in my heart that this was going to happen for me in Jesus' name. HOW it happened is what has wrecked me.


To give a little back story...
In June of  2008 I went on a missions trip to Thailand. The cost of the trip was almost three thousand dollars and as a sixteen-year-old girl I had no idea how I was going to pay the trip expenses. I sent out support letters to friends and family and I got one letter back that really affected me. It was from a couple family members. Not only did they say that they did not approve of my decision to go on the trip, they said that my parents were foolish for allowing their daughter to go out into a land filled with so much darkness. We were scolded for what God was doing in my life.


It broke me. I felt entirely discouraged in that moment. The effort I was making to ask for support was retorted with disgust and all I could do was pray through it with my parents and write a letter of response. I told my family members that although I respect and love them, I disagreed with what they had said. I knew that this was what I needed to do. My decision had been made. We left it at that and literally have not spoken about it for the past four years. I did receive the funding for Thailand and it was one of the best experiences of my life... but not gonna lie, that letter has weighed heavy on my heart all of these years..


Cut to February 27, 2012. I get called out of class by the financial director of the Belize missions trip. I thought that I was in trouble or something by the urgency in his voice when he said he needed to speak to me. I walked out into the hall and he handed me a check that was sent in that covers the ENTIRE fee of the trip--written out and sent in by those family members.


These are the same family members that told me all those years ago that God's will is not for me to go out on missions. The same people who told us that we were foolish for thinking it was a good idea to travel overseas for God's purposes four years ago just sent me a check and solely made it possible for me to do just that this summer.


To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement. It's not even about the financial stress that has been lifted from my shoulders (although that is pretty amazing). It is about the heart change that has obviously taken place in those family members. Nobody can change hearts like God can. He exists in glory and power forever.


I am so completely and irrevocably wrecked. It's like God is up there looking down saying, "Don't you know how great I am? Don't you believe me when I say that I will take care of you? Here's just a little taste of my devotion. There is NOTHING that is too hard for me." Who am I to ever doubt such a glorious God? This revelation is the greatest of all--that the very same all-powerful God that sets the earth into motion comes to me to give me this reminder that He is alive, He cares about the little things, and that He is MOVING.


Sometimes a little doubt creeps in and reminds me of all the things I have given up to be in Ministry school. A small voice reminds me that I could have been a doctor or a lawyer or anything else that will keep me respected and financially secure. That voice will never go away, but it has less authority over my life every single day. Sure, I don't know where I am going to be in a few years. I do not know whatsoever what I am going to be doing with my life. But I sure as heck know who I am going to be.


Living in faithfulness isn't easy, but my goodness is it rewarding. There is nothing--and I mean NOTHING--my God cannot do.